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Almost half way through 2011. A year of my uni degree gone, somehow.

Lived in a horrible house in the splendidly titled Batman Lane.

Living in an amazing house in the suburbs. On a tree lined street, a sunny little bohemian terrace is home to four free spirits, happy to share the space with one another.

Confess your love as well as your folly.

Almost a year since we began a journey which could end up just about anywhere. He gets on my nerves, I get on his. I love him, he couldn't live without me. Lost loves are long since forgotten.

These here are my desires:

In my first real home away from home I have found that I really have grown up and moved on. I see and hear from my family less, I make (some of) my own money, I make my own choices. It scares me, but it feels nice to call somewhere else Home.

Right now all I care about is the sympathetic chain ganglia and passing my exams. By the end of this year, I will have forgotten half the things I've learned. By the end of my degree I doubt I'll actually remember much apart from the hilarious jokes involving cadavers and the hours spent in manning, uncomfortable lecture theatres and under a bright light at a makeshift study station.

I can't wait for the next stage of life, when my friends start getting married and having kids. This stage feels like an awkward limbo between carefree teenager and family man. Everything associated with this age seems to revolve around alcohol, which has been cut from my diet (probably a good thing, considering how I drank when I was younger). For now I am content being (almost) a twenty-something year old university student with a hankering for gummi bears.

Learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck.
2011 - Our plan

See bands.

Get a job.

Go to the snow.


Improve our grades (>credit/high credit)

See more of the city.

Do a 365 project.

Be in love.

Limping on broken bones

Adelaide, you really had me going this time.

It has been too long.
How life shifts so quickly, changes lanes, changes speed, changes scene.
Currently a student of USYD, completed my first semester of AVB, with a(n almost high) distinction in biology. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the glorious day I find out I have somewhere to live. We have somewhere to live, we we we. Him and I. My glorious other half.

His kindness astounds, his gentle nature pacifies, his eyes make my heart quiver.

I am the patron saint of lost causes.

Holidays are a magical time when structure and care melt away and are replaced by long stretches of unidentified time, slipping constantly between late morning and the dark of night. Lectures replaced by movies, train trips give way to hungover car rides.

Reread James Frey's a million little pieces. It gets me every time.

The sound of an old guitar is saving you from sinking.

I love his house. The warmth of the fire, the serene nature of its surrounds, the amazing bed. I would sell my soul for that bed.

You think you're Jesus Christ?

What a long time it has been.

Currently: Residing in Wollongong, after having a major schism whilst attempting to live under the same roof as my step mother. Undertaking first semester of a Bachelor of Animal and Veterinary Bioscience at The University of Sydney. Tattooed. Short, dark hair. Cheap clothes, cheap drinks. "In a relationship"

Amazed by the number of intelligent, good looking, funny people in Sydney, depressed by the number of close minded, selfish, ugly people in Wollongong. Moving to Sydney's inner west in the coming weeks with one of my dearest lovers, hoping that it will be an amazing experience.

Enjoying the company of some people far too much for my own good.

Beer is horrible. Cider is bearable. $3 vodka redbulls are the best. Student prices are the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

Writing, playing, drawing when the chance arises. Reading always.

How good good friends can be in times of need.

We've changed so much that sometimes when I see your reflection in the mirror, I think there's a stranger with me here.

Too many good things are pulling me away from the hollow grey in your eyes.

We'll fill the metro skies with country air.

Writer's Block: Thumbs down!

What are your least favorite book and movie genres? Are you willing to make exceptions? Do you ever feel left out of social events/discussions owing to atypical taste in movies/books?

My least favorite genre, surprisingly, would have to be romance. This is largely due to the fact that 99% of the texts that lay squarely within the genre are bullshit. Yes, fiction is fiction but in matters of the heart, sometimes filling my head with unrealistic endings is not the way to go. Of course, to this rule there are close to a thousand exceptions. I think most people would agree that in every written and visual text ever produced, there is some element or trace of 'romance' (N.B. Not Romanticism a la Wordsworth). The thing with this genre is that there's always so much passion, 'love' and ecstasy of feeling, yet many of the authors fail to include the reader in their writing. They take you there yes, but it is as if you are watching a perfect world from behind a bullet proof wall. Unattainable. When the writer does happen to succeed in making the reader feel a part of the text, a participant in the elusive or illustrious relationship the problem remains that when transposed against reality, the fiction seems far too fictional. It may seem foolish that I suggest this point, however romantic fiction seems to be one of those genres which seeks to present the real human situation, only using false characters and settings. In short, its aim is to depict what 'love' or lack thereof is really like. However it seems that throughout said presentation, the improbable, if not impossible, generally happens.

In response to the latter part of the question, I rarely find myself outed because of disliking the romance genre. I more often find commonalities with others owing to my interest in atypical genres, however it may be seen that I generally socialize or at least discuss literature with people who are atypical themselves.

A call to Arms

It has now been months since I last had to think about anything related to school. I've gotten my HSC results and ATAR (96.4), which I am pretty happy about, even though it's most likely not enough to get me into veterinary science, I tried my best. I wait eagerly for January 20th, the day I find out if I have gained entry to my preferred course at university.

In the mean time, I have begun to suffer the effects of the economic recession. I have to fork out close to $1000 in the coming months, which I do not have. Of course some things are not COMPLETELY NECESSARY (tattoo, soundwave) but they need to be funded none the less. My time has also been consumed by the search for a place of residence. I will promptly be staying with some relatives in leafy Annandale, however in several months times I will be moving out to Newtown/surrounding suburbs, hopefully in somebody's company.

While moving out of home is supposed to be exhilarating, I find myself very scared and confused. The last thing I want to do is leave Xander Fear to fend for himself. I will miss his companionship like crazy. I will miss his arms around me. Of course visits will be scheduled, but I know it will not be the same as living a few suburbs away. 

I am a slave to this. I am a masochist.

The most amazing thing happened the other day. A person that I've hated for a long time over a bit of treachery came and gave me a whole hearted apology with no prompting. I did not have it within me to refute their apology and I actually found it pretty amazing. It gave me a little faith in the human race to rebuild itself one day.

Hugo Jax, my new brother. Already love him.

I've got some concrete ideas and they've been paving my way.

My bones are shattered

I hate stupid internet banners with "before and after" shots where the 2 people are obviously not the same person and if they are, the result they have achieved is most certainly not due to their use of the advertised product.

I didn't get into Charles Sturt Uni, so I will not be moving to Wagga next year. In some ways it's a godsend, but in others, it makes December 17th a bad, bad day.

Just ten days (give or take) until I have a brand new brother or sister. Exciting, when I think about the sum total of my existence currently.

Calling 1950s society, it seems a man from your era has mysteriously disappeared and ended up here in the present, residing squarely in my household! I was able to identify him through his abhorrent dress sense, obvious display of gender inequality and general barbaric nature. He must hold some potent gypsy magic (most likely the means of his inter-tempus travel) as he has taken control of my mother's mind! It seems that he is able to bend her whim any which way with a simple flick of his tongue! I urge your finest scientists to design a contraption to return him to your times where he can be tried and gaoled.

The sky is thick with clouds that are swelling with rain. We have experienced fierce storms intermittently amongst hotter than average summer days, They don't call it climate change for nothing.

I've been jumping from the tops of buildings,
for the thrill of the fall,
Ignoring sound advice and any thought of consequence.

I'd rather be drinking sulfuric acid.

You're not a judge, but if you're going to judge me, then sentence me to another life.

I didn't get accepted into veterinary science at Charles Sturt University.

That'll teach me for trying.

You know the times when you just don't want to be alive?
Or alternatively, you wish that you where someone else?

Yes, that is right now.

I wish so much was different about me, but I don't have the ability to change any of it. So who cares.

I'm going to be cold and alone and in a stupid job that I hate.

You know that I could use somebody.

Come on, come on, let's play.

Inside we're broken

Somehow, finished the HSC. It was horrible, but it was the price of freedom. 13 years all culminated in these weeks. Pretty exciting to be honest. The Studies of Religion exam was probably the worst thing the Board of Studies could have done, but I retain faith that it will be set right.

What do I do now that my life is not structured by study timetables and syllabus dot points?

Looking forward to formal, schoolies, christmas, Xander's birthday, new baby and new years.

They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies.

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone...

Pray for plagues

It is 4 days until the first examination of the Higher School Certificate. I should be freaking out, but I feel bathed in an odd calmness which scares me a little bit. I'm not sure if it is because I have been in preparation for these exams for the past month or simply that the stress is affecting me by alternate means (e.g. insomnia, poor health. bouts of rage). I don't know, but at this point I am not overly concerned. These exams are important, yes; but they will not define my existence.

I think it's funny that in my apprehension, I still find the time to be angry at other people who have failed to prepare. By not adequately preparing for these exams, you are basically throwing away 13 years of education which brought you to the position you are in now. If you don't want to take advantage of that, you are both unintelligent and ungrateful. Ok, school isn't for everybody, but as soon as you realise that it isn't for you, fuck off and do something else with your life rather than squallering an education which thousands of third world children pray for.

It's not a party if it happens every night!

Actually booked in to get tattooed on the 14th of January :D Should be finished by the time I plan to move out. Next year is going to be a year of big changes and numerous firsts. Hopefully they are more exciting than scary.

Eagerly awaiting the birth of my sister/brother

We'll take this feeling to our grave, for every heart we've betrayed.